I’ve been in the Silicon Valley game for a long time. I’ve seen it all. The dizzying highs of two successful exits, the gut-wrenching lows of failed ventures, and the quiet, relentless pressure that grinds founders into dust. I’ve been fortunate to have my company, RemoteTeam, acquired by Gusto, and my first startup, MovieLaLa, get bought by Gfycat. I’ve also been lucky enough to be an early investor in some of the most transformative companies of our time, like Anthropic, OpenAI, Scale AI, and Hugging Face. But I’m not here to talk about the wins. I’m here to talk about the unspoken weight that every founder carries.
They don’t tell you about the loneliness. They don’t tell you about the crushing self-doubt that wakes you up at 3 AM, drenched in a cold sweat. They don’t tell you about the strain it puts on your relationships, the missed birthdays, the hollowed-out feeling of being surrounded by people but feeling utterly alone. They sell you the dream of changing the world, of building a billion-dollar empire, but they conveniently leave out the part about the toll it takes on your soul.
The Myth of the Fearless Founder
We’ve all seen the magazine covers. The charismatic founder, beaming with confidence, spouting platitudes about “hustle” and “disruption.” It’s a carefully crafted image, a myth that we’ve all been conditioned to believe. But it’s a lie. Behind that polished facade is a human being, just like you, grappling with fear, anxiety, and the constant, gnawing feeling of being an imposter.
I remember when I was building MovieLaLa, my first company. We were a team of three, working out of a cramped apartment, fueled by cheap pizza and a shared dream. We were on a mission to change the way people discovered movies. We were also terrified. Every day was a battle for survival. We were constantly running out of money, fighting for every user, and battling the nagging voice in our heads that told us we weren’t good enough.
One of the biggest mistakes I see founders make is that they build first and validate later. They fall in love with their idea, their product, and they spend months, sometimes years, building something that nobody wants. I’ve been there. With MovieLaLa, we spent so much time perfecting the product, adding features we thought were cool, that we forgot to talk to our users. We were so focused on building the “perfect” product that we almost ran the company into the ground.
The Power of Vulnerability
It wasn’t until we started being honest with ourselves, and with our users, that things started to turn around. We started having real conversations with people. We listened to their feedback, their frustrations, their needs. We realized that our product wasn’t the problem. Our approach was. We were trying to be something we weren’t. We were trying to be the “fearless founders” we saw on the covers of magazines.
It was a painful but necessary lesson. We had to let go of our egos, our preconceived notions, and our fear of being wrong. We had to embrace vulnerability. And you know what? It was the best thing we ever did. The moment we started being real, our users responded. They appreciated our honesty, our willingness to admit that we didn’t have all the answers. They became our biggest advocates, our most loyal supporters.
The Loneliness of Command
Even with a supportive team and a growing user base, the life of a founder can be incredibly lonely. You’re the one who has to make the tough decisions, the one who has to carry the weight of the company on your shoulders. You can’t show weakness. You can’t admit that you’re scared. You have to be the rock, the unwavering leader, even when you’re crumbling inside.
I’ve had my share of sleepless nights. I’ve stared at the ceiling, my mind racing, wondering if I’ve made the right decision, if I’m leading my team in the right direction. I’ve felt the crushing weight of responsibility, the fear of letting people down. It’s a heavy burden to bear, and it’s one that most founders carry in silence.
This is why I’m so passionate about founder mental health. We need to create a culture where it’s okay to not be okay. We need to have open and honest conversations about the struggles that we face. We need to support each other, to lift each other up, to remind each other that we’re not alone.
Therapy for Founders: Your Secret Weapon
I’m a huge advocate for therapy. I think every founder should have a therapist. It’s not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of strength. It’s a sign that you’re willing to invest in yourself, in your mental and emotional well-being. A good therapist can be your secret weapon, your trusted confidante, your sounding board.
I know what you’re thinking. “I don’t have time for therapy.” “I can’t afford it.” “I don’t need it.” I get it. I used to think the same way. But trust me, you can’t afford not to go to therapy. The cost of a therapist is a drop in the bucket compared to the cost of burnout, of making bad decisions, of destroying your relationships.
Resilience is a Muscle
They say that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I’m not so sure about that. I think what doesn’t kill you just leaves you with a lot of scars. But I do believe in resilience. I believe that we have the capacity to bounce back from adversity, to learn from our mistakes, to grow from our failures.
Resilience is not something you’re born with. It’s a muscle that you have to build. It’s a skill that you have to practice. It’s about showing up, day after day, even when you don’t feel like it. It’s about putting in the work, even when you’re not seeing the results. It’s about having faith in yourself, in your team, in your vision.
I’ve been knocked down more times than I can count. I’ve had my heart broken, my dreams shattered, my spirit crushed. But I’m still here. I’m still fighting. I’m still building. And I’m more resilient than ever.
The Road Ahead
I don’t have all the answers. I’m still learning, still growing, still figuring things out. But I do know this: the founder’s journey is a marathon, not a sprint. It’s a long and winding road, with plenty of twists and turns. There will be moments of triumph, and moments of despair. There will be times when you want to give up, when you want to throw in the towel.
But you can’t. You have to keep going. You have to keep fighting. You have to keep believing. Because the world needs you. The world needs your ideas, your passion, your grit. The world needs you to build the future.
So, to all the founders out there, the ones who are struggling in silence, the ones who are carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders, I want you to know that I see you. I hear you. And I’m with you. You’re not alone. We’re in this together. Let’s build a better future, a future where we can all thrive, not just survive.
Frequently Asked Questions
How can I apply this thinking to my own situation?
Start by identifying the core principle behind the opinion, not the specific example. Then ask yourself: does this principle apply to my context? If yes, test it in a small, low-risk way before going all in.
What experience informs this perspective?
This perspective comes from over a decade of building companies in Silicon Valley, two successful exits (RemoteTeam to Gusto, MovieLaLa to Gfycat), and investing in 200+ startups including Anthropic, OpenAI, and Scale AI. I write about what I've lived.
Do all experts agree with this view?
No, and that's fine. The best ideas in business are often contrarian. I share my perspective based on my experience and data, but I encourage you to seek out opposing viewpoints and form your own conclusions.