I’m going to tell you something that might be hard to hear. You’re not in control.
As a founder, you’re conditioned to believe the opposite. You have to be the one steering the ship, the one with all the answers. You build something from nothing, so you feel like you have to control every little piece of it. I get it. I’ve been there. Twice. With RemoteTeam, which was acquired by Gusto, and MovieLaLa, which was acquired by Gfycat, I thought I had to have my hands on everything. Every line of code, every marketing email, every hire. It’s a recipe for burnout. And it’s an illusion.
The Control Fallacy
Why are we so obsessed with control? It’s a survival instinct. In the wild, the animal that controls its environment is the one that survives. And let’s be honest, the startup world is a jungle. But here’s the thing: you can’t control the jungle. You can only control yourself.
I remember in the early days of MovieLaLa, we were trying to build a social network for movie fans. We had this grand vision, this perfect plan. And then a competitor launched with a similar idea and a lot more funding. We couldn’t control that. We couldn’t control the market. We had to adapt. We had to let go of our perfect plan and find a new way to win. It was a painful lesson, but a necessary one.
The Unseen Environment
Founders are constantly battling unseen forces. Market shifts, new technologies, global pandemics. You can’t control any of it. When the pandemic hit, the world of work changed overnight. For RemoteTeam, this was a massive opportunity. But we couldn’t have predicted it. We had to be ready to react, to pivot, to scale faster than we ever thought possible. If we had been rigidly clinging to our old roadmap, we would have missed the wave.
This is where so many founders go wrong. They try to build a fortress, to wall themselves off from the chaos of the outside world. But the chaos is where the opportunity is. You have to be out there, in the mess, to see it.
Your Inner World is the Only Thing You Can Control
So if you can’t control the external environment, what can you control? Your internal environment. Your mind. Your reactions. Your habits. This is where the real work is. This is where you build your resilience, your antifragility.
I’m a big believer in biohacking and personal optimization. Not because I want to be a robot, but because I want to be the best possible version of myself. I want to have the energy, the focus, the clarity of mind to handle whatever the world throws at me. I talk about this a lot in my book, “Becoming Top 1%”. It’s not about being perfect. It’s about being intentional.
And yes, I'm a fan of therapy for founders. It's not a sign of weakness. It's a sign of strength. It's like having a personal trainer for your mind. You need someone to call you on your bullshit, to help you see your blind spots, to give you the tools to navigate the emotional rollercoaster of startup life.
The Power of Letting Go
This might sound counterintuitive, but the greatest source of strength for a founder is learning to let go. Let go of the need to control everything. Let go of the fear of failure. Let go of the ego that tells you you have to have all the answers.
When we were in the process of being acquired by Gusto, there were so many things that were out of my control. The negotiations, the due diligence, the integration planning. I had to trust the process. I had to trust my team. I had to let go of the reins and believe that we had built something strong enough to stand on its own. And it was.
Letting go doesn’t mean giving up. It means focusing your energy on what really matters. It means empowering your team to do their best work. It means being open to new ideas, new possibilities, new directions. It means being a leader, not a micromanager.
Stop Trying to Control the World. Control Yourself.
So here’s my challenge to you. Stop trying to control everything. It’s a losing battle. Instead, focus on what you can control. Your mind. Your health. Your habits. Your reactions. Build a strong internal foundation, and you’ll be able to withstand any storm. You’ll be able to see the opportunities in the chaos. You’ll be able to lead your team with clarity and conviction.
You don’t have control. And that’s your superpower. Use it.
Frequently Asked Questions
How can I apply this thinking to my own situation?
Start by identifying the core principle behind the opinion, not the specific example. Then ask yourself: does this principle apply to my context? If yes, test it in a small, low-risk way before going all in.
What experience informs this perspective?
This perspective comes from over a decade of building companies in Silicon Valley, two successful exits (RemoteTeam to Gusto, MovieLaLa to Gfycat), and investing in 200+ startups including Anthropic, OpenAI, and Scale AI. I write about what I've lived.
How has this view evolved over time?
My thinking on most topics has changed significantly over the years. Early in my career, I held many conventional views that experience proved wrong. I try to update my beliefs when the evidence changes.
What's the most common pushback you get on this?
People often push back by citing exceptions or edge cases. And they're usually right that exceptions exist. But building a strategy around exceptions rather than patterns is a losing game for most founders.