I remember one night, around 2 AM, staring at the ceiling of my office. We’d just closed a Series A round for RemoteTeam, and by all outside measures, we were killing it. The metrics were up and to the right, the team was growing, and investors were happy. But I felt nothing. Not joy, not excitement. Just a deep, hollow emptiness. The kind of quiet that’s louder than any noise. I was on the “executive floor,” but I had never felt more alone.
Silicon Valley has a story it tells about founders. It’s a story of relentless hustle, of sleeping under your desk, of sacrificing everything for the company. It’s a story of being a machine. And for a long time, I bought into it. I wore my burnout as a badge of honor. I thought the exhaustion was the price of admission to the unicorn club. But that night, I realized something was deeply wrong. The “drive” that had fueled me for so long was gone. I had forgotten why I started in the first place.
The Poison of "Hustle Culture"
The pressure to constantly be “on” is immense. You’re not just building a company; you’re building a narrative. A narrative of success, of growth, of world-changing ambition. And in that narrative, there’s no room for vulnerability. There’s no room for a founder to say, “I’m struggling.” So we bottle it up. We put on a brave face for the team, for the investors, for our families. We become actors in our own lives.
I’ve seen it happen to so many of my friends in the industry. Good people, brilliant founders, who have been chewed up and spit out by the very machine they helped build. We celebrate the exits, the IPOs, the billion-dollar valuations. We don’t talk about the cost. The broken relationships, the mental health struggles, the founders who lose themselves along the way. It’s the dark side of the dream, the one that doesn’t make it into the TechCrunch articles.
The Loneliness of the Summit
Being a founder is like climbing a mountain. The higher you go, the thinner the air gets, and the fewer people there are around you. You’re surrounded by people—employees, investors, partners—but you’re the one who has to make the final call. You’re the one who carries the weight of every decision. And that can be an incredibly lonely place.
I remember having to let go of a big portion of our team at MovieLaLa. It was the right decision for the business, but it was excruciating. I had to look people in the eye, people I had hired, people I cared about, and tell them they no longer had a job. That night, I went home and I didn’t talk to anyone. I just sat in the dark, replaying every conversation in my head. The "executive floor" can feel like a prison when you
re the one making the impossible choices.
Redefining Strength: It's Not About Being a Machine
For a long time, I thought strength was about being invincible. About never showing weakness. About being the last one to leave the office and the first one to arrive. I was wrong. True strength is about vulnerability. It’s about having the courage to say, “I’m not okay.” It’s about asking for help.
After that night in the office, I started making some changes. I started therapy. I started talking to other founders, not about our companies, but about our lives. And I was shocked by what I found. So many of us were going through the same thing. We were all fighting the same silent battles. The simple act of sharing our stories, of admitting that we didn’t have all the answers, was incredibly powerful. It was like a weight had been lifted.
I also started to set boundaries. I stopped working 18-hour days. I started taking weekends off. I started spending more time with my family and friends. And you know what? The company didn’t fall apart. In fact, it got better. Because I was better. I was a better leader, a better husband, and a better friend. I was a better version of myself.
Practical Steps to Protect Your Sanity
I’m not a mental health expert, but I can share what’s worked for me. These are not groundbreaking ideas, but they are things that have made a real difference in my life.
- Find your tribe. You need a group of people you can be completely honest with. People who will support you, challenge you, and call you on your bullshit. For me, it’s a small group of other founders. We have a regular dinner where we talk about the real stuff, the stuff that doesn’t make it into the board updates.
- Schedule your downtime. If you don’t put it on your calendar, it won’t happen. I schedule my workouts, my date nights, and my time with my kids just like I schedule my investor meetings. And I protect that time fiercely.
- Disconnect. The world will not end if you don’t check your email for a few hours. I have a rule: no screens in the bedroom. And I try to take at least one day a weekend completely off the grid. It’s amazing how much clarity you can get when you give your brain a chance to rest.
- Get professional help. There is no shame in seeing a therapist or a coach. In fact, it’s a sign of strength. It shows that you are committed to being the best version of yourself. I’ve learned more about myself and about leadership from my therapist than from any business book.
The Road to a Healthier Hustle
I’m still a work in progress. There are still days when I feel the pull of the old habits, the old stories. But now I have the tools to fight back. I have a community of people who have my back. And I have a new definition of success. It’s not just about building a great company. It’s about building a great life.
We need to change the conversation about what it means to be a founder. We need to create a culture where it’s okay to be human. Where it’s okay to struggle. Where it’s okay to ask for help. Because the truth is, you can’t build a world-changing company if you’re running on empty. You have to take care of yourself first. Your company, your team, and your family will thank you for it.
I’m not saying it’s easy. It’s not. But it’s worth it. The journey of a founder is a marathon, not a sprint. And the only way to finish is to take care of the person running the race. So, let’s stop glorifying the burnout and start celebrating the balance. Let’s build companies that are not just successful, but also sustainable. For our companies, for our teams, and for ourselves.
The Illusion of Control
One of the biggest traps for a founder is the illusion of control. You believe that if you just work harder, longer, and smarter, you can control every outcome. You can will your company to success. But the truth is, you can't. There are so many factors that are outside of your control. The market can change, a competitor can launch a new product, a key employee can leave. I learned this the hard way at MovieLaLa. We had a great product, a great team, and a lot of early traction. But we were hit by a perfect storm of market changes and competitive pressures that we just couldn't overcome. For months, I beat myself up about it. I replayed every decision, every conversation, trying to figure out what I could have done differently. It was only when I finally accepted that I couldn't control everything that I was able to move on.
This is a hard lesson for founders to learn. We are, by nature, people who like to be in control. We are the ones who are driving the bus. But sometimes, the best thing you can do is to let go of the wheel and trust that you've built a bus that can handle a few bumps in the road. It’s about building a resilient organization, not a perfect one. And it’s about having the humility to know that you don’t have all the answers.
The Myth of the 10x Founder
We love to talk about 10x engineers in Silicon Valley. The mythical programmer who is ten times more productive than an average engineer. But we also have a myth of the 10x founder. The founder who is ten times more visionary, ten times more charismatic, and ten times more relentless than anyone else. And it's a dangerous myth. Because it sets an impossible standard. It tells us that we have to be superhuman to succeed. That we have to be Steve Jobs or Elon Musk.
But the reality is that most successful founders are not superheroes. They are just ordinary people who are passionate about solving a problem. They are people who are willing to work hard, to learn from their mistakes, and to surround themselves with great people. I’ve been fortunate to invest in over 200 companies, including some of the most iconic companies of our time like Anthropic, OpenAI, and Scale AI. And I can tell you that the founders of these companies are not superhuman. They are incredibly smart, driven, and passionate, but they are also humble, curious, and collaborative. They are leaders who empower their teams, not dictators who rule with an iron fist.
So, let's stop chasing the myth of the 10x founder. Let's start celebrating the real founders. The ones who are building great companies, not because they are trying to be the next Steve Jobs, but because they are trying to make a difference in the world. The ones who are building companies that are not just about profits, but also about people. These are the founders who will truly change the world.
A New Chapter
My journey as a founder has been a rollercoaster of highs and lows. I’ve experienced the thrill of a successful exit and the pain of a failed company. I’ve celebrated the big wins and agonized over the tough decisions. But through it all, I’ve learned that the most important thing is to stay true to yourself. To build a company that is a reflection of your values. And to never, ever forget why you started in the first place.
Today, I’m in a new chapter of my life. I’m still an entrepreneur, an investor, and an author. But I’m also a husband, a father, and a friend. And I’m finally starting to understand that success is not about how much you achieve, but about how much you live. It’s about finding joy in the journey, not just the destination. It’s about building a life that is not just successful, but also meaningful. And that is a lesson that is worth more than any unicorn valuation.
Frequently Asked Questions
How can I apply this thinking to my own situation?
Start by identifying the core principle behind the opinion, not the specific example. Then ask yourself: does this principle apply to my context? If yes, test it in a small, low-risk way before going all in.
Do all experts agree with this view?
No, and that's fine. The best ideas in business are often contrarian. I share my perspective based on my experience and data, but I encourage you to seek out opposing viewpoints and form your own conclusions.
What experience informs this perspective?
This perspective comes from over a decade of building companies in Silicon Valley, two successful exits (RemoteTeam to Gusto, MovieLaLa to Gfycat), and investing in 200+ startups including Anthropic, OpenAI, and Scale AI. I write about what I've lived.
What's the most common pushback you get on this?
People often push back by citing exceptions or edge cases. And they're usually right that exceptions exist. But building a strategy around exceptions rather than patterns is a losing game for most founders.